Margaret Button: Gift idea — Bacon-scented briefs
Through the years as an editor, I have received my fair share of promotional gifts — the realistic-looking rubber pile of dog poop stands out, as does the fully loaded grocery store display of candy bars. I've also had my fair share of bizarre press releases. The most recent goes out to all the last-minute shoppers out there
I've eliminated the firm's name to, hopefully, reduce my chances of being sued. If anyone wants the web link, shoot me an email. My only comment is: "Why?"
"Xxxxxxxxxxx is pleased to announce the launch of Bacon Scented Underwear, the world's first underwear that looks and smells like bacon.
Marrying the ultimate in comfort and cured meat, Bacon Scented Underwear represents the gold standard of meat-scented luxury undergarments. Each pair is hand crafted in the USA to offer the support of briefs, the freedom of boxers and the smell of breakfast cooking in your pants. You really can have it all.
Featuring state of the art moisture-wicking, scent-emission technology stolen from NASA, we've embedded the smell of everyone's favorite smell into the fabric of your pants. This intoxicating scent will last through multiple wash cycles and wearings — depending on the (ahem) strength of your own scent, your underwear should continue to smell like bacon for up to 6 months or even a year.
Our legal team has advised us to post the following serious warnings:
• Bacon Scented Underwear is not recommended for people in the following professions: mail carriers, zookeepers, veterinarians, dog catchers and walkers, and circus performers (especially lion tamers).
• If you have a large dog with razor sharp teeth, please do not fall asleep in Bacon Scented Underwear.
• If you are hiking in the woods where bears are known to roam, please do not wear Bacon Scented Underwear without also carrying a firearm.
Bacon Scented Underwear is available for $19.99 per pair and comes in men's and women's styles and sizes."
CARAMEL BACON PEANUT BARK
12 ounces maple or brown sugar bacon
2 (12-ounce) packages milk chocolate bits
1 1/2 cups chopped peanuts (salted or not)
1 (10-ounce) bag soft candy caramels
Large-flake sea salt
Cook the bacon until very crisp, about 10 to 12 minutes. Transfer to paper towels to drain. Once cooled, crumble the bacon into small pieces.
Place the chocolate bits in a medium microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on High (100 percent power) for 1 to 2 minutes, stirring every 20 seconds, or until melted and smooth. Pour the chocolate onto a baking sheet lined with wax paper, then tap it on the counter to settle the chocolate into an even, smooth puddle. Immediately sprinkle the peanuts and bacon evenly over the chocolate. Allow the chocolate to fully harden, about 15 to 20 minutes.
Meanwhile, place the caramels in a medium microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, stirring every 20 seconds, or until melted and smooth. Drizzle the caramel over the bark, then sprinkle lightly with the sea salt. Allow to cool and harden, then break into pieces. Makes 24 servings.
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